So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
