I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
