He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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