I'm jealous of your bromance
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
