Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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