I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
