I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
