Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
