we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
