On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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