I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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