Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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