Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
