you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
