Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
