We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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