Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
