Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
