: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
