When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
