I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
