honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
