so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Are we still banned from the library?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
