Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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