wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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