My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
