She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
