i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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