yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
