Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
