i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
