She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
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Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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