He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
