I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
