i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
