My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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