You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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