it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
last night I used snow as a chaser
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