Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
