I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
