Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
