Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
