I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
