you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
