Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
