One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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