Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
