I want to have your abortion
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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