is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
