So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize