love makes seman taste better
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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