Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
