she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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