If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
