Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
