Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I didn't notice because vodka
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
