Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You're completely useless in the revolution.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
