so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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