what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
