using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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