that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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