I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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