Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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