Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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