if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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