Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
