Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
