Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
